


i don't know euphoria

by surviving_and_thriving



Series: birds of a feather [4]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: F/M, God bless him, M/M, andrew flirts through threats, bc we know that boy is technologically illiterate, he has an attitude problem your honor, neil gets blocked several times, planning a murder CAN be a confession of love, thank u 2 my groupchat for putting up with me texting them at 2 am with weird facts, this is an au where neil knows how to use a phone, you inspired this fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:21:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26458618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/surviving_and_thriving/pseuds/surviving_and_thriving
Summary: (12:23) Squirrels are the only mammals that cannot be killed by falling from a terminal velocity(12:23) They can slow their fall to a speed that won’t kill them(12:24) To kill them via a fall, you have to drop them from a height that would cause them to starve to death on their way down(12:45) So like 4800 miles(12:46) Yeah, wait who the fuck are you(12:46) Why the fuck do you know that off the top of your head(12:47) You texted me first? And I’m a math major(12:48) It’s not that hard of a problem to solveor: the wrong number au
Relationships: Matt Boyd/Danielle "Dan" Wilds, Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Series: birds of a feather [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1917226
Comments: 39
Kudos: 315





	1. Neil

**Author's Note:**

> why the FUCK was this so hard to format please give me validation, this is an entirely new style for me and i am simply #doingmybest
> 
> hope this week is going better for y'all than for me. i got sent home from college bc i was exposed to the virus. woo
> 
> n e ways! hope y'all enjoy :)

Wednesday 

(12:23) Squirrels are the only mammals that cannot be killed by falling from a terminal velocity

(12:23) They can slow their fall to a speed that won’t kill them

(12:24) To kill them via a fall, you have to drop them from a height that would cause them to starve to death on their way down

(12:45) _So like 4800 miles_

(12:46) Yeah, wait who the fuck are you

(12:46) Why the fuck do you know that off the top of your head

(12:47) _You texted me first? And I’m a math major_

(12:48) _It’s not that hard of a problem to solve_

(12:50) I’ve been texting this number whenever my family tries to get me to be social

(12:50) I’ve been doing this for months

(12:52) The number used to be disconnected

(12:53) _Ok hi the phone number belongs to me now_

(12:53) _My friend made me get one because apparently not having one in the year 2020 is a sin against the people, the country, the church, and God himself_

(12:55) Takes a lot to piss God off, from what I’ve heard

(12:56) And who do I have the pleasure of speaking to?

(13:05) _Stranger danger_

(13:06) You’re ok with answering texts from an unknown number and telling said unknown number what you’re majoring in, but you draw the line at a name?

(13:10) _Well I figured if you wanted to kill me, you wouldn’t open with a fun fact about the deaths of squirrels_

(13:11) _It’d probably be something far more intimidating_

(13:12) It could have been a segue for my threat about how a squirrel can’t fall to their death, but a human, like you, can fall oh so easily

(13:12) _It’d be one of the more creative threats I’ve gotten_

(13:13) Oh, received many threats, have ya?

(13:13) _I’ve got a bit of an attitude problem_

(13:14) No sense of self-preservation

(13:15) _Believe it or not, I’ve been told that before_

(13:20) I won’t text you again

(13:22) _Was that an apology?_

(13:23) _Is it really that hard to say sorry?_

(13:25) I am going to block you

(13:25) _You texted me first_

(13:30) _Did you seriously block me_

(13:35) _What the fuck_

(13:45) _Why am I mad about this?_

Thursday 

(15:53) _Hey Matt, can you come grab me from the track?_

(15:55) _I think I twisted my ankle_

(16:01) _Don’t laugh at me_

(16:01) _I forgot to tie my shoes_

(16:02) What did I tell you, no sense of self-preservation

(16:03) _You aren’t Matt_

(16:03) _Wait shit is this the wrong number?_

(16:05) _I thought you blocked me_

(16:06) Got it in one, genius

(16:06) I block to make a point. You have to really fuck up to stay on my block list

(16:08) _How many people do you have blocked?_

(16:10) Three

(16:10) You are dangerously rising in the ranks to be number four

(16:11) _The suspense is killing me_

(16:13) _Actually, my ankle is killing me_

(16:15) Is Matt coming to get you?

(16:13) _Hey Matt, can you come get me from the track?_

(16:13) _I fell and can’t run back_

(16:14) **Dude! Yeah**

(16:14) **Are you okay?**

(16:14) **Do you need a doctor?**

(16:14) **Do you need anything?**

(16:15) _I’m fine_

(16:15) _Like, for real fine, not my normal fine_

(16:16) **On my way buddy :)**

(16:20) _Yeah. I realized you are only one digit off his number_

(16:20) _It’s why I messed them up_

(16:21) Do you not save numbers as names?

(16:22) _No? I like numbers. They make sense and stay the same._

(16:25) Fucking math major

(16:25) _Wait what am I saved as in your phone?_

(16:30) Unknown annoyance

(16:30) _I don't know how many times we have to go over this_

(16:30) _YOU texted ME first_

(16:31) _You brought this annoyance on yourself_

(16:32) And every time I get a text from you, I regret it that much more

(16:32) _I can’t tell if you’re actually mad_

(16:40) _Sorry for texting you_

(16:45) _Won’t happen again_

Sunday 

(14:42) Ants can’t be killed in a microwave

(15:05) _Now how are you going to segue from that fact to a threat_

(15:06) Ants are small enough to fit between the waves, thus leaving them unharmed

(15:07) _Actually, I’m pretty small_

(15:07) _Matt tells me I’m compact_

(15:08) _Maybe I could survive death via microwave_

(15:10) You definitely couldn’t

(15:11) I’d make sure of it

(15:13) How tall are you?

(15:15) _A whole entire five foot three_

(15:15) _Which, for a guy, is tiny_

(15:20) Fuck

(15:21) _What?_

(15:25) I’m five foot flat

(15:25) I’m a guy too

(15:26) _Seriously?_

(15:26) _This is the best day of my entire life_

(15:27) _I’ve literally never been taller than someone_

(15:27) _You’re so small_

(15:30) _Did I get blocked again?_

(15:30) _That reaction probably warranted a block_

(15:35) _Ah, yeah, I did get blocked. That’s fair_

(15:40) **So are you gonna tell me who your new friend is**

(15:40) **Or am I gonna have to do some snooping**

(15:41) _Like you could find anything out about me without me telling you_

(15:43) **Buddy, you didn’t know what a passcode was until yesterday**

(15:43) **I’m confident in my hacking skills**

(15:44) _Shut up_

(15:44) _He’s just some wrong number who texted me_

(15:45) _Then kept texting me_

(15:46) **Stranger danger, Neil**

(15:46) **As your father, have I taught you nothing?**

(15:47) _Matt, how many times do we need to go over this_

(15:47) _I am not your son_

(15:47) **Shut up. You’re grounded**

(15:48) _Moving on_

(15:48) _I don’t know_

(15:49) _It’s kinda fun_

(15:50) **Buddy, we need to find you some real friends**

(15:50) _I think I pissed him off though_

(15:51) **Of course you did**

(15:51) **What’d you say this time?**

(15:53) _Why do you always assume I’ve said something?_

(15:53) **Am I wrong?**

(15:55) _Shut up_

(15:55) _He’s shorter than me and I may have_

(15:55) _Said some things_

(15:56) _[screenshot]_

(15:58) **Yeah, Neil, that’s what we call**

(15:59) **“Going mad with power”**

Monday 

(10:32) You have been unblocked on a probationary period because my cousin is walking towards me and if I look busy, he will leave me alone

(10:34) Newborns do not have the ability to cry tears when they are first born

(10:35) _Oh I know where this is going_

(10:35) But I can make you cry. Easily

(10:36) _You know, I’m starting to think that you’re picking your facts on how easy it is to turn them into threats_

(10:36) You can’t prove anything

(10:36) _Sorry about last night_

(10:37) _Matt says that I went crazy with power_

(10:37) _He’s not wrong, but I have a better handle on it now and I won’t bring up your tiny height again_

(10:38) You are on probation, do not push it

(10:39) _You need me as a distraction_

(10:40) I do not need you

(10:40) But

(10:40) You are doing an excellent job making him stay away

(10:41) _Why are you hiding from your cousin?_

(10:41) Because he will try to force family bonding, and it is far too early in the day to be putting up with the mess that is my family

(10:42) _Oh, well, I’m available as a distraction until 11._

(10:42) _I have transitions then_

(10:43) Transitions?

(10:43) _Transition to higher mathematics_

(10:44) _It’s my 300-level math this semester_

(10:45) Gross

(10:45) _How old are you?_

(10:45) I’m a sophomore. 20

(10:46) _What do you study?_

(10:46) What the fuck is this? 20 questions?

(10:46) Criminal justice

(10:47) _Again, you texted me first_

(10:47) _And wait that’s such a cool major_

(10:48) _Much more practical than math_

(10:48) _Are you going to do, like, lawyer stuff?_

(10:49) Maybe

(10:49) Maybe I’ll put you on trial for all the crimes you’ve committed against me

(10:50) _You’ve threatened me far more_

(10:50) _You should probably go on defense for the case I’ll bring against you_

(10:51) I have an eidetic memory

(10:51) I know the law. You wouldn’t stand a chance

(10:52) _Yeah but it’d be funny to watch_

(10:52) _I think we should postpone the trial, though_

(10:53) _I want to see how many more threats you can disguise as facts_

(10:55) Go to your awful, terrible math class

(10:56) _Oh shit_

(10:56) _I’m on the wrong end of campus I’m gonna have to run_

(10:58) Tie your shoes this time

Wednesday 

(11:30) **Neil, as your father, I have decided to take a stand on your nutrition**

(11:30) **I saw you eat an entire watermelon yesterday as your only meal**

(11:31) **You are going to send me to an early grave**

(15:48) **Lunch is on the counter**

(11:40) _Matt, I am not your child_

(11:42) _Thank you for the sandwich_

(11:43) ** <3**

(11:45) _Switching it up and texting you first this time_

(11:45) _Anyway, what is the best way to tell your roommate that you aren’t actually their child?_

(11:46) _Matt just made me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and cut the crusts off with fruit cut into little stars?_

(11:50) Matt isn’t your boyfriend?

(11:50) _No? We just live together_

(11:51) And they were roommates

(11:52) _What does that mean_

(11:52) _Dan, Matt’s girlfriend, keeps saying that and I don’t get it_

(11:53) It’s a vine

(11:54) _A what?_

(11:55) Nevermind

(11:56) Snails can sleep for three years

(11:56) _...and?_

(11:56) But three years is nothing compared to the eternal sleep I’m gonna put you in

(11:57) _You know, I don’t think anything is going to be able to top your squirrel threat_

(11:58) Don’t challenge me

(11:59) _Too late, the challenge has been issued_

(12:00) Why are you so interesting?

(12:00) _What does that mean?_

(12:01) _You’re really gonna leave that unanswered?_

(12:01) _That was more threatening than any of your “threats”_

(12:10) _What the fuck did I do to get blocked now?_


	2. Andrew

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg hi i am so sorry i vanished. school got nuts, but i am back with an incredibly mediocre chapter
> 
> yalls comments gave me LIFE on the last chapter, so thank you so so much
> 
> ily u all
> 
> (also Foxy Funds are like campus dollars - money that can only be used on campus, I made them up, but based them on my school's. the name made me giggle)

Thursday

(21:55) The fingerprints of a koala are so closely related to those of humans that they often contaminate crime scenes

(21:55) Makes it so much easier to get away with killing you

(21:56)  _ Oh, am I off the block list now? _

(21:56)  _ I was beginning to think I’d made it to the permanent one _

(00:01) Don’t be so dramatic

(00:01) You weren’t even blocked for that long

(00:01) You just never bothered texting again

(00:02)  _ Did you miss me? _

(00:02)  _ This relationship is moving quite fast, isn’t it? _

(00:03) I will not hesitate to block you again

(00:03)  _ Yeah, but I know that I can just keep texting you _

(00:05) What if I ask you to stop?

(00:05)  _ Then I stop _

(00:09) You aren’t real

(00:10)  _ I am several mental breakdowns, wrapped up in a coat, pretending to be a functional human being, but I can assure you I’m real _

(00:11) I am still not convinced you aren’t some highly advanced AI my brother put on my phone to keep me from noticing his new girlfriend

(00:12)  _ If I’m an AI made of math, do you think I still have to study for my transitions class? I’ve been studying for like six hours and I can’t feel my eyes _

(00:12)  _ Because I’m about 98% sure I’m going to fail it tomorrow _

(00:13)  _ And if I fail it, I’ll get kicked off the team  _

(00:14)  _ And if I get kicked off the team, I lose my scholarship  _

(00:15) I’m going to stop you there because, even over text, I can see you spiraling 

(00:15) Take a breath, find Matt or someone, talk for a bit

(00:15) Then go the fuck to sleep

(00:17)  _ I’m fine _

(00:17)  _ I don’t want to bother Matt _

(00:18)  _ And I’m talking to you _

(00:18)  _ You’re a good distraction _

(00:20) Care too much about Matt to bother him, but happy to bother me?

(00:21)  _ Wait no it’s not like that _

(00:21)  _ It’s weird _

(00:21)  _ I like talking to you _

(00:24) You are, quite possibly the only person who has ever said that to me

(00:26) What’s your favorite topic?

(00:27)  _ Cross country _

(00:28)  _ Why? _

(00:30) Oh fuck no, pick a different topic, wrong number

(00:31)  _ Languages, then _

(00:34) The pope tweets in nine languages, but his Spanish account has the most followers

(00:35) There are over 200 artificial languages created for books, TV, and movies

(00:36) The United States has no official language

(00:37) Russian was the first language spoken in space

(00:38) Over 300 languages are spoken in London

(00:39) Don’t think about your test, think about these instead

(00:39)  I see you over there on your phone, Andrew

(00:39)  Who the fuck are you texting at ass o clock

(00:39)  Keeping the whole dorm up

(00:40) It’s nothing, Nicky

(00:40) Leave it

(00:40)  Andrew Joseph Minyard

(00:41)  Do you have a FRIEND you aren’t telling me about

(00:41) Nicky, I will stab you

(00:42)  No, you won’t

(00:42)  You’re secretly sentimental

(00:42) …

(00:42) Wanna bet?

(00:43)  Very funny

(00:43)  But seriously turn your brightness down or go the fuck to sleep

(00:43)  Aaron has an OChem AND a biochem test tomorrow

(00:43)  And I am actually more afraid of him when he hasn’t slept than I am of you right now

(00:44)  And he’s getting the angry Minyard face

(00:44)  _ Wow facts with no death threats _

(00:45)  _ Is this your version of flirting?? _

(00:51)  _ Thank you _

Friday

(12:32) Calculus was invented when mathematicians were trying to understand the language of god

(12:33) So you being a math major will help you beg for your soul when I kill you

(12:35)  _ Awfully bold of you to assume that I’m going to heaven _

(12:36)  _ Also, I don’t think I failed my test _

(12:36)  _ So I think I’m in the clear to remain in school _

(12:36)  _ Unfortunately _

(12:38) You want to tell me why you essentially had a mental breakdown last night?

(12:40)  _ It’s a complicated situation, but long story very short, my family is counting on me making it through college and making decent money on sports after _

(12:41)  _ So if I fuck up, and get booted off the team, it’s not great _

(12:43) You sound like my fucking roommate

(12:44) Junkies, both of you 

(12:45)  _ But thank you, you were amazing last night _

(12:45)  _ How’d you know that distraction would work? _

(12:47) Some of us are well-adjusted individuals who attend regular therapy

(12:48)  _ I don’t think someone who, every day, finds new and creative ways to threaten me with my own death can call themselves “well-adjusted” _

(12:50)  _ Did you block me over that? _

(12:55)  _ Seriously? _

(13:32)  _ At least now I know to just keep texting and, eventually, you’ll answer again _

(14:46)  _ Helloooooo _

(14:53) Is your learning curve a horizontal line?

(14:55)  _ I am not smart _

(14:56)  We’re going to Kevin’s race tomorrow

(14:56) WE are doing no such thing

(14:57) YOU can go if you want

(14:57)  No, it’s senior night

(14:57)  And it’s a big deal

(14:58) Kevin literally has another year left

(14:58) Athletes get five years

(14:59)  Oh fuck yeah I forgot

(15:01)  We’re still going

(15:03) Now, why would I do something like that?

(15:04)  You want to show support for your roommate of thee years?

(15:04)  You’ve decided, in your junior year, to show school spirit?

(15:05)  Because you love your cousin very, very much and I’m asking so very nicely?

(15:07) Spit it out, Nicky

(15:07) What’s the real reason?

(15:08)  Aaron wants to introduce us to Katelyn

(15:09)  She’s going to be cheering at the race

(15:10) And he wants to do it in a public place so I don’t kill them both?

(15:11)  Probably, yeah

(15:12)  I’ll give you all my Foxy Funds for the rest of the semester

(15:14)  And I’ll buy you whatever you want from the grocery store without complaining

(15:15) Why isn’t Aaron asking me himself?

(15:16)  Because I volunteered

(15:16)  I would like to see both my cousins graduate college alive and in one piece, if possible

(15:21) Obviously, you are not smart

(15:21) Quick question

(15:22) If I were to kill a family member, how could I do it without being caught?

(15:25)  _ Aren’t you the criminal justice major? _

(15:25)  _ You should either know this or be talking people out of doing this _

(15:27) Ok, but theoretically

(15:30)  _ Are we killing your brother or cousin? _

(15:31)  _ Because, if you only kill one, the other would be suspicious _

(15:32)  _ You’d be the prime suspect _

(15:32) Oh, this is a we kinda kill now, junkie?

(15:33) And we can kill both

(15:33) Makes my life much easier

(15:35)  _ Well, if we’re killing them both, the killing part won’t be the hard part _

(15:35)  _ The hard part will be disposing of two bodies _

(15:36)  _ And making sure you have a solid alibi _

(15:37) Again with the “we”

(15:37) Is this your idea of flirting

(15:39)  _ Shut the fuck up _

(15:40)  _ I’m going to let the cops find you  _

(15:40)  _ And I am going to laugh at your trial as the criminal justice major goes to jail _

(15:40)  ???

(15:40)  Sooooooo???

(15:41) Fine

(15:41)  Are you serious???

(15:42)  Holy shit I didn’t think that would work

(15:43) Don’t push your luck, Nicky

(15:43)  Does this have something to do with the person you keep texting??

(15:44)  Are they making you go *soft*???

(15:44) DON’T push your luck, Nicky

(15:50) What time tomorrow?

(15:51)  …

(15:51)  8:30 am

(15:52) I’m going to kill you, Kevin, Aaron, AND the cheerleader

(15:52) I’ve decided this murder needs to happen tonight

(15:53) My family is making me get up at 8:30 tomorrow morning

(15:54) To go watch a SPORT

(15:55)  _ I always get up then _

(15:55)  _ I’ve got races every Saturday morning _

(15:56) What kind of crazy gets up before noon on a weekend?

(15:57)  _ Literally me _

(15:57)  _ Every weekend _

(15:59) Anyway

(15:59) Back to planning the murder of my family

(16:01)  _ You mocked me, so now I’m not going to help _

(16:01)  _ I’m going to watch you go to jail, knowing I could have done something to prevent it _

(16:03) I am going to block you 

(16:03)  _ Do it _

(16:03)  _ I dare you _

(16:10)  _ Oh shit, you actually did _

(16:11)  _ This is a problem for after my race tomorrow _

(16:20)  _ Good the fuck night, wrong number _

**Author's Note:**

> let me know what y'all think
> 
> as i will be in quarantine for the next fourteen (14) days, your comments will be the closest i get to feeling love from another human


End file.
